Modine's Day Planner

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May 2012

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FEMA Trailers

Half the people in Chalmette can’t fit into their FEMA showers. That’s why they got all them hoses rigged up on poles next to the trailers.

FEMA Trailers (cont.)

Because of modesty purposes, most people only shower at night. Which is why you should never drive around the parish after 9 p.m. with night goggles on, unless you are a pervert.

Hygiene

You can always smell your armpit, but you can never tell about your breath. This is one of them little tricks God plays on us to keep us from getting too proud.

Motherhood

Nobody can say my sister-in-law Gloriosa ain’t a good mother. There are a lot of evils in this world, and her kids ain’t going to enjoy any of them.

Weddings

Gloriosa is so gorgeous that no matter how she’s dressed, once she jiggles up the aisle, nobody will take their eyes off her, even if the bride marches in stark naked and playing a trumpet.

Hurricanes

If I had known Katrina was going to demolish my house, I wouldn’t have spent the whole day cleaning. Life is like that sometimes.

Pets

Always buy your clothes to match your cat.

Birthdays

There ain’t nothing wrong with birthdays. Unless you happen to be the one giving birth.

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E-mail Liz Scott Monaghan at Modine@aol.com