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  • strict warning: Declaration of rules_data_type_string::get_default_input_form() should be compatible with rules_data_type::get_default_input_form($variable_info, $value, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/rules/rules/modules/rules.rules.inc on line 0.
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  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display_block::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin_display::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display_block.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_field.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_sort_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_sort.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 0.
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  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_boolean_operator::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter_boolean_operator.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_style_default::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_style_default.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 0.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/w16j3c6al085/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 843.

Gargoyle's Delusions

My mother-in-law, Ms Larda, is back home in Chalmette. Not a minute too soon. She says she can’t never show her face in Folsom again. She had been staying there on the North Shore with my daughter Gumdrop while her house was getting fixed after Katrina. Thank God it’s ready. What happened was, last...

When the FEMA Trailer's Rockin'

The Gunches are double-wide and their FEMA trailers ain’t. That is getting to be a problem. Thank goodness my mother-in-law Ms Larda got one all to herself, but even so, she says the shower is a tight fit. She can’t get to all her necessary parts without bending over, and there ain’t no room to...

Never Clean Your House During Hurricane Season

If I had known Katrina was coming, I wouldn’t have spent the whole day cleaning my house. Life is like that sometimes. I ain’t complaining. Nobody who is alive to tell the tale is complaining. Not too much anyway. This is what we are going to be talking about for the rest of our lives. Our great-...

FEMA Trailers

Half the people in Chalmette can’t fit into their FEMA showers. That’s why they got all them hoses rigged up on poles next to the trailers.

FEMA Trailers (cont.)

Because of modesty purposes, most people only shower at night. Which is why you should never drive around the parish after 9 p.m. with night goggles on, unless you are a pervert.

Hygiene

You can always smell your armpit, but you can never tell about your breath. This is one of them little tricks God plays on us to keep us from getting too proud.

Motherhood

Nobody can say my sister-in-law Gloriosa ain’t a good mother. There are a lot of evils in this world, and her kids ain’t going to enjoy any of them.

Weddings

Gloriosa is so gorgeous that no matter how she’s dressed, once she jiggles up the aisle, nobody will take their eyes off her, even if the bride marches in stark naked and playing a trumpet.

Hurricanes

If I had known Katrina was going to demolish my house, I wouldn’t have spent the whole day cleaning. Life is like that sometimes.

Pets

Always buy your clothes to match your cat.

Birthdays

There ain’t nothing wrong with birthdays. Unless you happen to be the one giving birth.



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E-mail Liz Scott Monaghan at Modine@aol.com

© Liz Scott Monaghan (content) and Rosemary Ruiz Lewis (illustrations)